Category Archives: Awful Asian Bootlegs

Awful Asian Bootlegs

Bionicle of War 2 – Fake Gears of War figures

I found these fake Gears of War 2 action figures at the Reject Shop at Highpoint shopping centre on the weekend, very cheap at $2 each. They are called Bionicle of War 2 figures but have the same names as the characters from Gears of War. They are much smaller than the official Gears of War toys, similar to typical Star Wars action figures.

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Marcus Fenix appears to have a Hammer of Dawn and Longshot Sniper Rifle plus some kind of giant ammo belt that probably doesn’t fit him.
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Dominic Santiago with a Lancer

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Boomer – for some reason he has a Torque Bow and Hammerburst instead of a Boomshot rocket launcher. He also seems to have a giant helmet or something.

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Locust Drone with something that looks a bit like a Hammerburst but I’m not sure what it is and a sword… And giant helmet thing.

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Grenadier Beast Rider with Scorcher Flamethrower and grenades… Not sure what the other thing is.

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COG Soldier appears to come with a shotgun, sword and body armour. I don’t think those swords are in the games.

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Here is the back of the packaging

Fake Spiderman Bow and Arrows set

As with most other shoddy Asian bootleg Spiderman toys, this bow and arrow set makes no sense. I doubt Spiderman has ever used a bow and arrow. Why would he use a two handed weapon when he normally has one arm attached to a web? He would be much better off with a gun. I don’t think Spiderman even kills people anyway. This is just dumb, but as I have come to realise, so are the people who make these toys. I’m sure the people who make these don’t even know what Spiderman is.


Not so ultimate Spiderman Mask

Look at the picture of Spiderman in the picture. Now look at the actual mask. Could they have got it any more wrong? Did this company accidentally sell versions with no breathing holes and have had to redesign it for safety reasons as part of a court order? I really doubt it since they probably would have been sued for all the copyright infringement stuff. Perhaps why they changed it so drastically to avoid copyright issues since it’s pretty different looking.

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Fake Spiderman Mask and Arm Gauntlets

Read all the text on this box. Not one part makes sense. What does “Doughty Power” mean? What does any of it mean? Spiderman doesn’t even have gauntlets. I’m hoping this toy is meant to make you shoot webs or something otherwise I don’t really see the point. I’m also concerned by goth Batman being on the box also shooting a web.
At least the mask itself isn’t as bad as the next one I’ll be posting about…


Ugly fake Spiderman keyring

I found this in an Asian gift shop in footscray. A container full of little spiderman keyrings. I couldn’t tell if they were meant to be bought as a set or individually as they were in sealed packaging, but who would want 20 or so fake spiderman keyrings? Who would want even 1? I’m actually impressed that they went to the effort to make different sculpts. They may all actually be different which is another factor as to why I can’t tell if it’s 1 set or separate toys. Like most Spiderman and other super hero related toys, the ratio of the same hero to villain figure here is pretty bad.

I never really understood why people would want 10 different versions of the same character when they only have 2 different enemies to fight.

Anyways the real centerpiece of this post is to highlight how horrifying the one without a mask is. Like really is that even mean to look like Peter Parker at all? It certainly doesn’t look like Toby McGuire, which is the person you’d expect it to look like since the Green Goblin figure is based on the movie version. This looks like a creepy old man. If someone bought me this as a kid it would probably make me hate Spiderman and hate whoever bought it for me.



Overlord Powered fake Spiderman truck

For some reason rather than just sticking to regular shoddy bootleg figures, the Asian factories that make them seem to love adding spiderman stickers onto every preexisting vehicle toy they have the moulds for.

I suppose it is much easier to just use existing moulds to make these toys than casting new ones for unique spiderman figures, but really? I massive 2 ft truck? Maybe it is to scale with the normal figures, this truck is really quite big for a toy.

I can’t even imagine why on earth Spiderman would want a giant truck with his name and photo plastered all over it when I imagine New York City would be far too busy for a truck to be a particularly useful mode of transport. Not to mention that spiderman usually just swings from building to building on his webs, which is much faster than driving or walking. So I don’t think he would benefit too much from the “overlord powered” “Super Speed” promised on the packaging. Whatever that means.



Musical Spiderman Mobile Phone

Here is $2 toy Spiderman mobile phone which I didn’t buy. However compared to some of the other fake Spiderman rubbish I have seen so far this at least has some use, you could buy it and put it straight in the bin and put the batteries in your gameboy or wireless controller. However I bet those batteries suck as well, so your money would be better spent going towards some rechargeable.

It’s been a long time since I’ve looked at crappy Asian children’s toys (up close anyway) but I’m impressed that they stopped selling toy phones that look like those giant brick ones with the massive antennas that I recall from the early 90s. Or even phone that look like the early Nokia mobiles of the late 90s with the smaller antenna that stuck out the top… Or the later flip phones… This actually looks like what most modern non-touch screen phones look like.

I actually wonder what sort of fun kids could possibly have in the future when iPhone shaped toy phones with no buttons come out. It’ll make the random silly sounds these things usually make seem quite disappointing.

These probably disappoint kids anyway, surely there is nothing intentionally “funny” about this as suggested on the box.



Creepy Mario Brick Bear

I bought this a few years ago in a clothing store. I think it was a smaller store attached to Episode on Sydney road. I think it cost between $12-15 but was most definitely worth it.

A picture of this monstrosity has been my avatar on palgn ever since. For some reason you can buy hundreds of figures in this shape that are painted with different colours and patterns and some are designed to resemble copyrighted characters. I believe they are known as brick bears. Probably because when you see them you want to smash them to pieces with a brick. I might be wrong though.


Fake Spiderman Race Car

I never followed spiderman too closely but I doubt he has any need for a race car in the city. He seems to move around from block to block way faster than he would in traffic.

This car promises “super sense of resembling real car” which I suppose it achieves. It is indeed the shape of a car but doubt any car would have “Spiderman II” and “powerful” written on the side of it. What happened to the original Spiderman? Did someone get bitten by a spider AND a car and transform into this? I don’t think anyone can tell for certain.